Lust, and other such things. #1

I prefaced this post in my last. Click here to read it. Not exactly a necessary read, but feel free to do so if you’re one of those OCD-level completionist folks, always have to complete the series. Even if that “series,” is just some random guy’s blog. Wew.

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Where was I again?
Ahh, yes…

(Light) Femdom/Role-Reversal. (Sort of.)

This is the primary topic of today.

Even among some of my most deranged sexual thoughts, admitting how much I like this stuff, even as a concept, is among the most embarrassing things I could admit. I don’t know why. I wouldn’t really even count it as a bad thing, nor do I know how to truly articulate what I’m thinking when I say these things. It’s as if it’s an opposing gut-reaction to my own desires. I feel as though this is not who I’m meant to be, yet it’s who I’ve become.

I was just looking at my own notes on fetishes, and I talk as if one comes to a fetish out of rigorous intellectual devotion. But I think it’s more about early exposure than anything. Weird things that you carry from your childhood end up developing into entirely different “things.” Or at least that’s often the case. A lot of it seems to be entirely random, maybe even welded into your genetic coding? Who’s to say.

Certainly not me

But yes, very often, I find myself pondering what other people think about, the things that they would never dare to speak about. Especially when it comes to their personal lust and general partner preferences. I certainly have had some fun and depthful conversations on the subject, but I find that I always have to hold restraint, and I imagine that they are as well. Makes sense. It’s personal and something that can be hard not to guard against, but I digress.

Let’s lock back onto the main topic

I love when a girl takes intense possessive interest in me. It’s also a nice feeling to have something expected/wanted of you, but not have someone overly reliant. I feel that this is about to get vague, so I’ll move onward and come back to this point from another angle.

I also like older women, I’ll say it right here and now. Not by a very large margin, but I do. And I’m not particularly hesitant to admit it, just ask anyone who knows me. I think I’ve always felt this way as a general preference, maybe it’s something I carried over from my childhood, or maybe it’s just how my brain is wired. I definitely had a few crushes on my friends’ sister(s,) and gals that were generally more experienced than I. But I’d say a mere 4-6+ years of age over my own is my comfiest dream gal age. Anything over 8 is going beyond my comfort zone by a large margin.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t discriminate. I’ve humored a very light relationship here and there with gals my age and younger but I simply never had the desire to take things past the initial steps. Some may find this ridiculous, but I, a not-at-all-religious male, am dedicated to keeping my firsts preserved, but of course only until I meet the gal that’s able to check all of my boxes. Or at the very least I’m able to fall for her. Genuinely. This is my self-driven oath. I want zero regret when I look back on my life. My only worry is that I’ll end up regretting my wasted chances at a lustful youth.

So of course keep in mind these are the ramblings of a college-aged virgin.

Submissive girls & sex as a whole sounds heaps boring to me, with some exceptions that I imagine I’ll leave to a separate post. If I ever get around to it. This statement might be especially odd seeing as how I long for a Japanese girl and that’s the strongest stereotype they carry. Overall, Gentle Femdom/Role reversal is fantasy tier for me nowadays. It’s the sort of thing my mind tends to immediately conjure up whenever those day-dream sessions hit.

I feel as if it’s at least a little bit out of character and I’d get some laughs if I were to bring it up in the context of pretty much any conversation. Not the good sort, of course. I’m a decent height, I lift and am steadily bulking up, etc. More importantly, I don’t at all consider myself to be weak willed or a bad leader. I’m no Chad but I’m absolutely no pushover. For this reason, speaking about femdom whilst In the company of friends is something I doubt I’d ever allow myself to do. But of course this statement wouldn’t hold at all for the future “dream,” gal that awaits me. (Please exist.)

She’ll be waiting as well, r-right?

I don’t even necessarily want a gal that’s going to tie me up and do crazy shit. “Dominate” me. Fuckin’ lol. I hate that word, and I don’t feel that it’s really the correct term I’m looking for, but it is the common term. It just gives me such graphic and unpleasant mental imagery. Let’s forget about that.

Not saying I WOULDN’T let her tie me up, but it’s not  at all the root of what I’m craving. No, rather I just want a gal drenched in confidence who is capable of fully loving me and allowing me inside of her bubble. Someone that I actually click with. Someone who would pursue me, make me not feel like the worthless guy that showers her with love and attention yet gets nothing in return. I want her to build my trust and keep it, and I her. Telling me soft kind words, but also able to brutally straighten me out and build me as a person. Someone whom I can be loyal to forever, that won’t stab me in the back the moment I truly begin to trust them.

i just want to be nurtured, to be completely honest.
someone to bring me out of my shell. But is there really any hope of that as a guy? I don’t feel that there is.

Let me first say that I’m as straight as they come. I intend to work to support a future spouse, take a general lead in any future relationships, and I of course steer my own life. If she told me to throw away my things or otherwise change who I am, I’d tell her to bounce off if need be. I’m not looking for someone to base my life upon, nor do I need to rely on anyone. But I want someone who’s fully capable of matching me and challenging me on a mental level, someone who can fully hold their own but isn’t hesitant to take help or throw a rope.

These are the top 5 prequisites of Flook’s Ideal girl.*DRUMROLL*

  1. Asian. Bonus points for Japanese.
  2. Ambitious/Knowledgeable.
  3. Willing to take the lead in various situations.
  4. 5 years of seniority. (Unnecessary)
  5. Virgin. (Massive point boost. Unlikely I feel.)

I will never find happiness.

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