As mentioned in my “about” section, I’m currently in the process of travelling all states in the US, at least all of them that reside within our north american continent… It’s possible that I’ll also spend some time In Mexico/Canada, but that’s not the main focus. Just a’ maybe, sort of thing.
Currently I am living on my Uncle’s property, RV parked and sustained by local water lines and energy. Very small town, very close-knit community, and I’m always baffled by how friendly these people tend to be in comparison to my own (rather small,) home-town. Not to mention the even larger contrast between someplace like this, and an enormous city such as NY.
I can’t say that the people I’ve met have come off as very educated, but they’re absolutely endearing. Thoughtful. The sort of folk that would be more than happy to lend you their time and energy whether or not they actually knew you. You simply cannot walk past someone without receiving a handshake or at the very least a “howdy.” Working on something? First lad that sees you is going to rush over and offer his assistance. It’s delightfully smothering.
Very excitable people, to say the least.
However, this certainly isn’t something you’d expect, unless of course you’ve been living in an area remote enough for an unfamiliar face to mean something.
Now, as someone with an introverted lifestyle, someone filled with social dread and anxiety; this is an odd sensation. To be attacked at all sides by social interactions, but for all of them to be rather pleasant. It’s refreshing.
This is a large part of why I wanted to do this whole “traveling,” thing in the first place. Meet people, make contacts, bust open my own shell. Finally develop some social skills outside of my established comfort zone: I truly doubt that I’ll ever change as a person, nor do I want to, but I do think it’s best to grind out all of the rough edges of your own personality. Strengthen your weaknesses.
Chickens to break up the text.
Humans are supposedly social creatures but my mind reels at the thought of unscheduled activity. If I sit at home and read philosophy but avoid human contact as much as I can, have I truly gained anything?
My answer to that self-proposed question is, no. No. You’ve gained nothing that you can use in the real-world. Even if you attempt to use it, you’ll come off as pompous, self-absorbed, generally overbearing. No one will actually want to humor your ideas or topics; the majority simply would not give a damn. This is especially true for Philosophy over Literature, in most cases.
People often speak of escapism and intellectualism as dichotomous, but I don’t believe that’s always the case. For me they’re synonyms. A large reason for my interest in fields like psychology and philosophy is that they seem to provide a means of escaping myself, of viewing issues through a lens that exceeds me and my shortcomings.
Back to the topic at hand.
This image is honestly pretty accurate. The way I lived for years. Mostly indulging in myself, studying topics that interest me, honing my personal skills. Funposting on anonymous forums and image boards. Every couple nights, I’d Skype with one of my few close friends and we’d maybe play some Vidya or just indulge in forgettable topics. Rarely do I speak about the subjects that truly interest me, unless I know that the other person is familiar and interested in the topic. I feel that if I do bring up such things, I’ll likely bore, or even push away the few that are close to me.
I don’t feel that anyone even truly knows me. Aside from my art and general sense of humor, which is fun for both parties to view and talk about. I generally haven’t said a word of anything that I do. I more-or-less hide it, and I’m not entirely sure why. I’m a very proud person, but forcing things down other’s throats is something that I do not intend to do: I’d like to be pleasant company. And during the times where the damn has cracked, and I ramble on about who knows what, I rarely find it possible to forgive myself for slipping.
But yes. I keep to myself. I avoid social interactions, parties, etc. And I’m not afraid, I just dread it. It exhausts and frustrates me when I’m supposed to be somewhere and have no idea when I’m going to be going home. Home is the center of my world, social interactions and work are simply forays out into the external world that always lead back to home, hopefully in a quick manner.
But as my travels kicked off, and I lost my sense of “home.” I’m beginning to realize something. If I truly change my line of thinking, if I remake my world with myself at it’s center, the dread may vanish like a winter’s exhalation. For all intents and purposes, I am the only home that I need.
I have plenty of money. I have my laptop. I have limitless 4g connection. I have 4 separate hdds, containing thousands of books, thousands of manga, many visual novels, all of the media and tools that I need can fit into a backpack. I also have a roof over my head, food, water, everything necessary to sustain myself and continue my studies. Not the most comfortable at times, but I believe that to be a good thing.
Having a comfy home has done nothing but cause me to needlessly procrastinate and waste chunks of my youth. Comfort is my enemy, to a certain extent. At the very least, it would be best not to indulge in my sloth to the point of becoming a drone that can’t divide yesterday from any other day.
The more I type on this blog, the more I realize how many thoughts I’ve internalized. Again, as mentioned in an early post; I make notes of my thoughts, but typing posts like this tends to really stimulate the mind. So, thanks for reading my rambles.
I’m being called for supper.
Matte ne, Famalamasenpaister.