A man gets hired for his first summer internship to do cost analysis, but he gets there and no one talks to him at all. No one tells him what to do or how to start working. He shitposts on a mongolian throat singing board all day every day while collecting his pay check and no one cares.
One day our hero is told he has to give a meeting in two hours time. After stressing, he goes in and gives a presentation based on what he thinks the job was about. He’s completely off the mark. The bosses say it’s revolutionary and he’s given a promotion and massive pay raise. He continues dicking around and eventually moves up the ladder into management.
Modern day ‘Underground Man’ spends all his free time whacking off to ” erotic Japanese cartoons.” He quickly becomes dependent, and indulges in these “cartoons” at any and every opportunity. He’s soon caught whacking it at work and is of course fired.
Loses everything, but moves in with a generous friend. He claims to be “looking for work,” but of course that isn’t true. A lie. A white lie, he tells himself.
One day, his Friend’s parents come to visit and they walk in on him whacking it to an animated Asian lady and an enormous squid. Friend kicks him out. Our hero goes to a homeless shelter, keeps whacking it, but now to the pictures he’s drawn himself.
Depression kicks in as he realizes what he’s done to himself. Ends with him unable to sleep, thinking his life is over. After exhaling his breath, he then turns over in his cardboard bed, and sees, on the wall, the most erotic image of his life. A drawing of a young Japanese girl making love to a generously endowed alien. The two seemed to be floating along what appears to be a cosmic plane. The Milky Way, perhaps? Not that I’d know. I’ve never studied astronomy.
A single tear falls, it stains his already stained, makeshift mattress.
He smiles and knows that this is what it was all leading to, and thus, for the first time, he feels true happiness. The end.
The Protocols of the Meetings of the Learned Elders of Idaho
A bright but underachieving internet sleuth with white skin and right-wing political views one night accidentally uncovers the secret etymology of the word “Idaho.” The truth is that the word “Idaho” does not exist in any language known to man–like “Dasani,” it is a completely artificial linguistic construction that was created by a power elite to sound blandly exotic and yet easily pronounceable to anglophone ears.
Suddenly the entire American geographical and political project is revealed to be a sham. As our hero learns more about “Idaho” and its purported history, its innocuous public image, its ancient past, it becomes increasingly apparent that the entire state is a mask for a shadowy oligarchy’s sinister plot.
A secret cabal of potato farmers
What am I doing with my life